Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
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he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
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then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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