dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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