yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
