Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
