I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
