I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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