Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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