Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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