Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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