Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
