its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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