ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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