After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
