If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
