Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
