Porn is love you can see.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
