Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
