Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
