How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
