fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
