I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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