if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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