Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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