maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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