my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
