you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
