Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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