Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So vagazzling was a success
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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