I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
