please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
