I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
