The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
