he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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