It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
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Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!