my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
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I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.