Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Are my feet made of real feet?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize