my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
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Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
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I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me