i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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