So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
