so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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