When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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