a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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