if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
