Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
