I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
