Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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