You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
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