he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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