Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
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I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The air was thick with penises
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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