he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize