Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
