btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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