Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
