hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
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I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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