Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
