So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
