i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
