Please, let me fuck your mom
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Congratulations! We have a period
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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