I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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