so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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