is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
