4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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