can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
