so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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